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We'll see whether this extra post is necessary~

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Current Music: 太完美 - Super Junior M

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Just for easier access :)

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Current Music: Fantastic Baby - Big Bang

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Zhoumi makes his first mistake on national TV. It’s the first episode of Explorers of the Human Body and he trips over his own name.


They don’t edit it out because Heechul smacks him and Hankyung smacks him.

(This was the start of many things but not of their story.)



Super Junior had fourteen members: Leetuek, Heechul, Yesung, Kangin, Hankyung, Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, Ryeowook, Kibum, Kyuhyun, Zhoumi and Henry.

No, it wasn’t fifteen. It was fourteen. Get it right.



In 2007, Zhoumi turned twenty-one. He sat in his dorm room and waited for something to happen. He waited for some kind of reassurance that yes, coming to Korea was worthwhile.

It was a stupid to look for signs at twenty-one, but he never claimed to be a completely rational person.

Zhoumi falls asleep around one in the morning, but it wouldn’t have mattered whether he was awake or not. He wouldn’t have heard the car crash several miles away.

His omen. Whether it was good or bad, at twenty-one, Zhoumi couldn’t say.

(This was not the beginning of the story, but it was close enough.)



After the number movements, you’d think the management would be smarter about adding members to Super Junior. Even so, they chose to add not just one but two at the same time.

Henry had already worked with Super Junior for Don’t Don and Zhoumi knew Heechul—and Hankyung but it really was Heechul that mattered, Heechul said.



“I don’t mind being half a person. Not after meeting you.”

Furious scribbling on paper and a genuine laugh.

“I know. I know you don’t.”



The first time he meets Kyuhyun, Zhoumi skips practice. He knows that the instructors will give him hell later. He’s really behind on everything. Even so, he skips and takes the subway to the hospital and doesn’t get lost. He goes there often enough to see Heechul.

Zhoumi stands at the bottom of the hospital steps, trying to figure out how to convince the receptionist that he really was Kyuhyun long-lost brother and not some random stranger. He couldn’t.

So he calls Heechul and tells him the truth. Heechul doesn’t laugh at him, not the dry broken laughter everyone else had, and he’s unusually solemn when he hangs up. It isn’t even two minutes later when Zhoumi’s phone buzzed with a text message. A room number.

So when he meets Kyuhyun for the first time—that’s a lie, he’s met Kyuhyun before in the passing but never like this, he’s scared. He’s so scared that he starts talking even before he introduces himself.

Kyuhyun is sitting on the hospital bed, pale and confused. And finally, he laughs. Even though his voice is barely above a whisper and cracks in all the wrong places, Zhoumi doesn’t think he’s heard anything more beautiful.



In making this decision, the management wasn’t completely stupid, and they played into the negative emotions that splayed throughout the ELFs. Guilt of the death threats almost came true and of the ill wishes that did come true, and anger at each other—for cursing their lucky thirteen and for cursing them for past mistakes.

The blue ocean was stormy when they set Zhoumi and Henry into the waves, and to be honest, no one expected this to work. Not even the executives who made this decision. They had been ready to pull back immediately if necessary.

It wouldn’t have worked. At least, it shouldn’t have. But it did.

It wasn’t without loss though. Zhoumi became half a person.

(But now they were accepted: number 13.5 and number 14.)



It happened something like this.

They’re talking about Kyuhyun on some interview. Kyuhyun’s still in the hospital and his career pretty much gone. They talk about his beautiful voice and biting humor. They, meaning everyone but Zhoumi and Henry.

Fourteen and fifteen aren’t apart of they. And from the past couple of months, Zhoumi knew there was no place for fourteen and fifteen. Not in the eyes of the fans and not in the eyes of the members yet—wounds still too fresh and the addition still too sudden.

Zhoumi looks up only to see Siwon’s careful eyes on him. He offers a weak smile and Siwon offers him the microphone.

“Jomi-hyung went to see Kyuhyun in the hospital,” is all the explanation Siwon gives and Zhoumi knew the younger man talked to Heechul, or maybe Heechul talked to Siwon. Either way, the microphone gets pushed into his hands.

He almost drops it. The weight of speech suddenly too heavy for his shaking arms.

“I did,” Zhoumi whispers. Leeteuk nudges him from behind with a quiet whisper to speak into the microphone and to speak louder, probably with a large smile plaster on his lips. His advice is neither given affectionately nor unkindly.

Zhoumi clears his throat and repeats it.

Hangeng coughs nervously but otherwise does nothing. Siwon has careful eyes again and Henry is looking at his bangs.

“I told him—”



“—I’m not replacing him,” Zhoumi said, almost pleading, almost begging—who? “There’s no way I could replace anyone.”

But you are. They’re adding you as a vocal. You are replacing Kyuhyun.

“I—maybe to the company, but I could never replace Kyuhyun to the members or the fans,” Zhoumi said, partially justifying, partially denying—to who? “He’s too important to Super Junior. I can’t replace something vital.”

Fans are fickle. They’ll forget him soon enough. Care a little more about yourself. The fans are going to be brutal. Kyuhyun will be fine.


That’s when he decides he needs to meet Kyuhyun and skips practice.

(Maybe it was then that he became half a person. Maybe it was later at the foot of Kyuhyun’s hospital bed or on the way to the hospital or maybe earlier that night he turned twenty-one.)



It was easy to win some over and not so easy for others. In terms of the members, Heechul was pivotal.

“You think by being an ass to Seasoning, you’re helping Kyuhyun?”

Heechul is all force and no tact. Zhoumi is all tact and no force. It was like exceptionally bad cop and ridiculously good cop.

His methods are crude and straight, but they worked. Well, they worked because his words rung true.

The other members could be unreasonable, but at the end of the day, they were trying to cope with the death of a friend’s dream. A dream they all supported and worked for together until now.

Zhoumi understood, but Kyuhyun didn’t.



Their friendship was a strange thing.

It began with Zhoumi wanting forgiveness and Kyuhyun wanting hope. Zhoumi barged in that day with a mixture of Korean and Chinese and nonsense—you’re vital to Super Junior, I’m not replacing you, I’m-I’m like a bandage, just holding things together until you come back—and Kyuhyun listened.

Neither of them were naïve enough to believe that Kyuhyun would regain all of his voice again, but Zhoumi in his desperation and Kyuhyun in his desperation clung on.

So that day when Kyuhyun laughed, more like rasped, he beckoned the tall Chinese man over and whispered, “Thank you.”

Those were Kyuhyun’s last words for many years.

(The doctors told him not to speak and just rest his vocal chords because there was a slim, slim chance that with surgery he could speak normally again—he’ll never be able to sing again. But Kyuhyun, young and angry and devastated, didn’t listen.

It wasn’t until that tall, awkward and equally desperate man walked in with all the hope in the world on his lips that Kyuhyun felt like maybe, maybe he should believe too.)



It’s 2013. Kibum’s gone. Hangeng’s gone. Super Junior celebrated its 8th anniversary and Zhoumi is ridiculously successful—upcoming drama, radio show host, possible solo album, endorsements left and right, honestly what more can he want?

The ELFs affectionately call him 13.5 nowadays. That was his number. They love him because of his voice, his face, his personality and his continuing relationship with Kyuhyun, their number 13.

Kyuhyun graduated from his university with flying colors and over a hundred pictures with Zhoumi posted everywhere from weibo to twitter to instagram. It ranged from Kyuhyun studying and Zhoumi being annoying to Zhoumi recording and Kyuhyun being silly, but over the past five years, Zhoumi always had a picture like that on some social platform.

True to his word, Zhoumi would not let anyone forget. Kyuhyun was one of them, a member of Super Junior. He might not stand on stage with them anymore, but Zhoumi insists that Super Junior became successful during U because of Kyuhyun.

The other members laugh, patting him on the back or shoving him a little, when Zhoumi argues this. Things hurt less now than it did before and now all the members adore him.




During Super Show 5 in Seoul, Kyuhyun was there. It wasn’t strange or unusual because he’s attended the Super Shows before, but he was on stage.

It was their ending mentions and somehow, they convinced Kyuhyun to stand with them. It was a lot of baiting from on the stage and a lot of chanting Cho Kyuhyun, Cho Kyuhyun from the fans around him. In the end, Kyuhyun walked up and was shuffled between Zhoumi and Siwon.

It was the first time Zhoumi stood on stage with Kyuhyun. It was the first time he looked next to him and saw Super Junior’s Kyuhyun—not college student Kyuhyun or sleep deprived Kyuhyun or computer gaming Kyuhyun or stuffing his face Kyuhyun.

So he reaches over a couple of inches to intertwine their fingers. Kyuhyun looks up at him and Zhoumi decides he likes that feeling, being on stage with Kyuhyun next to him.

And he tells himself the feeling when Kyuhyun leaves the stage was not heartbreak—for who, Zhoumi couldn’t say.

(Kyuhyun wrote on a pad of paper. He scribbled down the words that he’s wanted to say, and thankfully the LCD screen on all sides of the stage projected them well.

Zhoumi-hyung has worked hard. Even though he calls himself half a member, please regard him as a whole. He deserves nothing less.

He wrote other things too—I love Super Junior, I love ELFs, I love all my brothers, Hyukjae has smelly feet—but that’s the only one Zhoumi could remember at the end of the night. No one in the dorms say anything when he cries, only giving him comforting pats as they head to bed.)


thirteen point five

It must have been a strange dream.

He sees crowds of Only13 signs stretched as far as the eye could go and hears the shrill screams of get lost, we don’t want you. It hurt. It burned the back of his eyelids as he tried to keep the tears in. No. No, don’t cry. Don’t give in.

A warm hand intertwines its fingers with his.

Zhoumi looks next to him and Kyuhyun is staring at him. He reaches up and whispers—yes, whispers, not writes or texts or, “Don’t mind them. Just look at us. Just look at me.”

“Okay,” Zhoumi whispers back and leans into the arm around his waist, firm and comforting. They pull apart soon enough as they get into position for the next song.

Kyuhyun is cheered as his lines come up, something cheesy about true love and acceptance, and Zhoumi steps up next. The silence beyond the music and his voice is loud, but the gentle touch against his back as he passes Kyuhyun in their choreography is louder.

The next moment the comforting pressure gone and he’s on stage—Music Bank or Inkigayo or something—and all he hears over the music are the screams of his name.

The back of his eyelids burn in guilt. He would give all this up just to have that moment again. Just to have Kyuhyun next to him and singing

“Are you sure?”


“Don’t regret.”

Of course, the mysterious voice sounds like Heechul.



He wakes up disconcerted. The room is bright and something is crushing his arm. That dream was weird and when did he even fall asleep?

He shifts and that something slips slightly and groans, “What time is it?

It takes Zhoumi a moment to realize it was Chinese. It takes Zhoumi another moment to realize the person who spoke was Kyuhyun.

Strange. He’s never failed to recognize Kyuhyun’s voice before. That dream must have really thrown him off and he didn’t even mean to doze. Kyuhyun was just really warm and the rhythm of his breathing lulled Zhoumi’s eyes shut.

12:50,” Zhoumi answers back in Chinese, finally getting a grasp of where he was again.

Kyuhyun merely breathes on him and soon the breathing evened out. Zhoumi shifted, looking down just in time to see Kyuhyun’s head slide down the slope of his shoulder. And it was a split second decision to reach for his phone.

He snapped a picture, debated for a moment and posted it on weibo.

Putting the phone down, he turns towards Kyuhyun with a smile and snuggles into the younger boy. Kyuhyun groans with a half coherent complaint and Zhoumi merely wriggles even more.

Just to hear his voice again.



There are moments Zhoumi throws his hands up in the air and goes fuck it. This was one of those moments.

He’s staring into Kyuhyun’s eyes, dark and waiting, trying desperately to come up with some excuse—uh, that kiss was a joke? Heechul-hyung really rubs off on people. But he can’t come up with anything plausible and Kyuhyun hasn’t escaped with disgust and utter annoyance.

So Zhoumi figuratively throws his hands up in the air and goes fuck it. He kisses Kyuhyun again. This time soundly and firmly. There is no mistaking the intention; this was not a brief brush of the lips that could be laughed off.

And Kyuhyun smiles.

I was tired of waiting for you,” Kyuhyun says in Chinese. It was stilted between kisses and stolen breaths.

Zhoumi doesn’t respond. He doesn’t need to.

(He’s not an official member of Super Junior. He’s not loved by all the ELFs. He is but he’s not number fifteen and that’s okay.

He has his Super Junior family, his China-line, and all his friends. He has his Mitangs. He has his Kyuhyun. And other than minor annoyances and passing nuisances, everything was better than okay.)


thirteen point—

“I don’t mind being half a person. Not after meeting you,” Zhoumi said. His tone was lighthearted but the words held too much meaning to truly be carefree.

Kyuhyun looked up from his homework—a scrawl of mathematical equations and words Zhoumi couldn’t understand—and frowns. They sat at the dining table, Kyuhyun with his university work and Zhoumi with his social medias.

Grabbing a piece of spare paper, Kyuhyun writes, Stop that. No one considers you half a person. I’ve never thought of anyone as half a person.

“I know. I know you don’t,” Zhoumi laughs.

If you’re half a person, then you’re my half.

The laughter dies and Zhoumi can only stare at that little sentence bordered by math and Korean. Kyuhyun seemed to realize exactly what he wrote and pulled the paper back franticly.

Kyuhyun starts writing, then stops, then starts, then stops, then—

Kui Xian,” Zhoumi says.

Kyuhyun looks up, face flushed and eyes wild. Kyuhyun bites his lip and Zhoumi can’t look away. All it would take was leaning across the table and he knows Kyuhyun would stay. He knows he can convey everything without words because it’s not necessary. Not with him and Kyuhyun. Not anymore.

But the words ring in his mind—I’m not replacing you because you can’t sing anymore, I’m not taking everything you could have had because you lost your voice, I’m not in love with you because I feel guilty, I really—and they don’t stop.

“Thank you.”

(That is where their story ends.)


A/N: So back with my strongest suits: angst and alternative universes.

I've decided to kind of break my hiatus with...a different pairing. Haha, I'm kind of just writing whatever my inspiration gives me and right now, Super Junior is giving me feels.

I've been milling around QMi for a while but I've never really mustered up energy to write before. Now I have and I hope it's not too bad for a first QMi fic :)

(Yes, I took many liberties with their characterization and with history and with asdfjkl;, it's an AU.) 

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Current Mood: unsure
Current Music: 吹一样的风 - Super Junior M

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I can't write YunJae right now. I dunno why 'cause I have all the plot points down (if anyone wants to read the outlines for any of my unfinished YunJae stuff, I wouldn't be against sharing) but I just can't write it right now. Instead I've been writing for every other pairing I know. So...all my YunJae fanfics are on indefinitely haitus but I'll probably start writing for other stuff (I've been meaning to write for the Suju fandom for a while now).

So feel free to unfriend or whatevers if my next fics don't interest you.

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Part II: Shut Eye


Thee days ago, Shim Changmin received a text from a friend.

Someone knows.

At first, Changmin wanted to jump on the closest transportation and escape to North Korea. Thankfully the text came at four in the morning and there were no buses that early  so he didn't make a run to the 38th parallel. Instead, he put on his exceptionally practiced poker face--and skin toner and moisturizer and lotion and another toner and a combination moisturizer and concealer to hid the bags under his sleep deprived eyes--and marched out of his dorm room.

He walked straight to the training halls, greeting people nicely as they passed by. Since all the facilities were company owned, the trainee dorms were farther away in a cheaper area in town. So it took about twenty to thirty minutes to walk from his lodgings to any training hall. But it was only five minutes away from school so it was a disadvantage he was willing to have for the sake of school.

Reaching the main hall, Changmin took a deep breath before swiping into the building. The two tone beep and green flashing light told him that his card still worked. Even if someone knew, not everyone knew. Most importantly, SM didn't know.

With a bit more confidence, Changmin strolled down the hall and towards the stairs. While most people used the elevators, the building needed stairs to abide to certain fire regulations. But Changmin used it regularly and not for the extra exercise.

"Alright, now do you want to explain?" Changmin asked scathingly. The figure sitting on a lower step turned back startled at the sudden noise. They had chosen the staircase for private conversations since it didn't have any CCTV cameras. Strange for an exit not to have cameras, but it was so unused that not even the janitors cleaned the dusty steps anymore.

Standing up, his best friend and accomplice, Cho Kyuhyun, pouted at him guiltily, "Before you get angry at me, give me a chance to explain."

"Alright," Changmin replies, mockingly sweet. "I'll give you a total of ten seconds before I strangle you and leave you here so no one ever finds the body!"

"Come on Changmin-ah," Kyuhyun pleaded. "I wanted you to know just in case and it really wasn't intentional--"

"Seven. Six. Five."

"That's not fair, you didn't even start on ten--" Kyuhyun began, but Changmin cut him off.

"You're wasting time, ah, Two," Changmin smiled, not without a hint of cruelty.

"I got drunk and I met Micky," Kyuhyun finally blurted out. Realizing how irresponsible and utterly insensitive that sounded, Kyuhyun buried his face in his hands unable to look up.

"You met Micky," Changmin said deadpan. "You sold out your best friend to a partygoer."

"Micky's not just a partygoer," Kyuhyun mumbled. The retort coming out a lot weaker than it usually would have. If there was ever a more ardent fanboy, Changmin has yet to meet one as dedicated as Kyuhyun was to this Micky.

"Of course not, he's the partygoer," Changmin agrees sarcastically. He begins mocking his friend's usual spiel. "He has the largest contact list of any GM in all of South Korea. He only goes to the best parties. He has the moves, the girls and the mystery. No one knows his real name or where he lives! He can sing and he can dance and he is such a man--"

"He says he wants to meet you," Kyuhyun interrupted.

"Hm. How much money do you think I should bring? You know, to buy his silence?" Changmin nodded nonchalantly.

"Seriously Changmin," Kyuhyun said. "I don't think he wants to blackmail you."

"If he doesn't want to blackmail me, I'm sure there are enough people in SM alone who would love to see me out of here!" Changmin exploded. His voice ringed through the stairwell. "Hell, you wanted me out of here when I first got here!"

"That's a low blow," Kyuhyun whispered and Changmin flinched. It was. After all, Kyuhyun was part of the reason Changmin was survive in SM Entertainment as a natural born. "I wasn't that drunk. He wanted to help a friend who's also a natural born. I don't think he has bad intentions."

Changmin sighed. Yes, he was mad at Kyuhyun for spilling to some random stranger, but Kyuhyun was also his best friend for a reason. In a company where looks and talent were everything--where prearranged genes slowly became the standard, it was easy to lose one's self in the competition. After all, how can you compete with someone who has superior genetics?

The only way to get rid of those better were scandals or backstabbing. Coming into SM as a special talent, Changmin didn't have a loving and easy initiation into the trainee group. Even when Kyuhyun had accidentally found out about his status, the other boy--who hadn't liked Changmin back then--feigned ignorance and even rebutted some of more gossipy trainees.

"Just because we're GMs doesn't mean a thing," Kyuhyun had said later in the stairwell. "We're more likely to be a certain way; it doesn't mean we actually are."

And those words have carried Changmin to today.

So that's why he's sitting in room 333 of a club he never comes to in order to meet this Micky person. All for Cho Kyuhyun.

Changmin chuckles to himself--missing the jiggling and closing of the door--and wonders if he should ask Micky for an autograph.  


When Jaejoong walked into the room, he wasn't sure what he was expecting but it wasn't that boy lounging on the couch. Tall and lanky and handsome, the younger boy looked like a typical GM teenager who was almost to the stage of fleshing out.

The other looked up from whatever musings and it was almost like a magazine cover, picture perfect. Dark brown eyes with a piercing gaze and strong facial features to accent it, the younger teen looked like the poster child for genetic modifiees.

The boy frowned and asked--voice smooth and pleasant, "Which one of you is Micky?"

"That would be me," Yoochun says, raising his hand as though they were in class. Instead of Yoochun's typical dorky actions, his movements were more fluid--almost cool if Jaejoong didn't know him. "And you are Shim--"

"I thought I was only meeting you," the boy said, suspicious and guarded. "No one told me you were bringing a friend."

"I'm sure Kyuhyun told you why I'm meeting you," Yoochun said, seemingly avoiding the subject. Jaejoong's mind spun with questions. Who was Kyuhyun? Who was this boy? Was he the trainee that is--? "This is the friend I was talking about."

"Shim Changmin," the boy said reluctantly, holding out a hand to Jaejoong.

"Kim Jaejoong," Jaeoong responded, returning the firm shake. A karaoke room seemed to be the last place for such a formal introduction and while it flustered Jaejoong a bit, he recovered quickly. He tried to retrieve his hand but Changmin held on to it. Jaejoong squirmed slightly at the other's sharp eyes as they inspected him.

"You're a natural born?" Changmin asked, still holding his hand tightly.

"Yes," Jaejoong answered, unnerved.

"Well, you don't look it," Changmin declared and released his hand. "But I'm sure you get that a lot."

"We're your elders," Yoochun injected. Jaejoong had noticed the informal language, but he hadn't been too sure whether Changmin just looked young or he actually was. "By one and two years if you want to be exact."

"And I'm helping you," Changmin responded. "In breaking the law, I'm your sunbae-nim."

Jaejoong bit his lip to smother a smile. He liked this cheeky little bastard.

"Get into SM," Changmin smirked. "Then I'll treat you by our society's standards."

"Fair enough," Jaejoong agreed. "But I'll have you calling me hyung-nim before the end of the week."

Changmin smiled, "But you'll probably still have to call me sunbae."

"Not if I debut before you," Jaejoong retorts, smiling as well.

They had just met but this back and forth bickering felt comfortable. In any other case, Jaejoong might have felt defensive and taken these comments as attacks. It might be Changmin's overall image--smartass child--or his clever use of inflections that just couldn't be taken offensively. They were teasing--of course it was meant to hurt--but not belittling.

"We'll see who gets the last laugh," Changmin nods.


Yoochun didn't know what to do but laugh and he laughed. So this is how Shim Changmin, a natural born, survived in one of the most cutthroat companies and rose to be one of the best. 

The boy was a natural bundle of wit and will. None of it science, all from mom and dad. The creation of natural reproduction and random assortment. Well, Yoochun wasn't sure whether there weren't any external influences but from what he's seen from the short five minute interaction was a very determined individual, unafraid to be himself.

"Hey, are you doubting me?" Jaejoong grumbled, reading Yoochun's laughter to be of ridicule rather than amusement.

"No, no!" Yoochun chuckled. "Not at all hyung."

"If he doubted you, I don't think we'd be meeting right now," Changmin said dryly. "At least, I wouldn't be wasting my time like this."

"How did you do it?" Jaejoong asked, directing the conversation towards the main subject matter.

"Which part?" Changmin asks. "Getting in or staying in?"

"Well, I guess I need to get in first," Jaejoong replies.

"Either way, this conversation will be rather long," Yoochun says. He pushes the two of them towards the couches. They sit down, two on one side and Changmin alone on the other side. "Better to be comfy."

"To get in, there are three basic requirements," Changmin begins explaining. "First, you need to look like a GM--which you pass. Second, you need to sound good and since I'm here, I'm going to assume you sing well. Third, you--"

"Why are you being so helpful?" Yoochun interrupts. "From what I heard, you're a tough nut to crack."

"Would you rather have to chase me down and play twenty questions?" Changmin asks with an elegantly raised eyebrow. "I can play a mean game of hide and seek, especially in the GM district."

"No, but after talking to your friend Kyuhyun, I thought we would be interrogated a little more before you started talking," Yoochun shrugs. "Not that I'm saying this isn't convenient."

"I guess it's lucky for you that you found the cheat code through all that," Changmin sighs. "Do you want me to continue or not?"

"The third requirement has to be the GM license," Jaejoong says, giving Yoochun a pointed look. Yoochun shrugs but backs off.

"Correct," Changmin replies turning back to Jaejoong. "And that's the tricky one."

"Is there an underground thing for GM licenses or something?" Jaejoong asks. He glares at Yoochun. "I hope that's not that case."

"Like a GM license cartel? I wish," Changmin chuckles. "Then this thing would have been much easier to get ahold of."

Changmin pulls out his wallet and slides out his GM license. The plastic card hit the table almost soundlessly and glided towards the two. Yoochun recognizes the engraving and watermarks, whistling at the high quality fake.

"That's a very nicely done counterfeit," Yoochun says. "Must have been done by a GM."

"You should be able to tell," Changmin nodded.

Yoochun freezes and prays that the younger boy wouldn't say anything too incriminating. To make sure a GM came out correctly, doctors typically inserted a gene which allowed them to see particular colored inks. So the licenses naturally used those inks and unless made by a GM, usually most forgers can't replicate it. Yoochun had completely forgotten that it couldn't be seen by natural borns. He had also forgotten that Changmin knew he was a GM but he never forgets that Jaejoong doesn't.

"He's probably the only fake GM licenser around here," Changmin continues on a different tangent and Yoochun rolls his shoulders backwards to release the tension building in his chest. "I think he might even be in the club tonight."

"You know him well?" Jaejoong asks quizzically.

"Hm, he's also a trainee at SM," Changmin nods.

"Eh? I might know him then," Yoochun perks up. He was always interested about the SM trainees and while he knew many juicy secrets, the fake GM licenser was probably the most outrageous thing he's heard so far.

"Kim Heechul," Changmin says.

Yoochun turns just in time to see all the color drain from Jaejoong's face.


Kim Jaejoong hadn't always disliked GMs. No, he had fallen to the admiration and enchantment of genetic modifiees as well. It was inevitable. They were beautiful and constantly beautiful.

At the age of twelve, Jaejoong knew he was good looking. People mistook him as a GM and he used to puff up his chest in pride. He knew back then that he wanted to sing and perform on stage.

So he went to his first audition, confident and slightly arrogant.

He breezed past the visual auditions. He even ranked number one in that, above all the GMs that came. He made a lasting impression with his singing audition. While he was ranked third, he was only behind two GMs. The others auditioning looked to him with wide eyes full of admiration and enchantment. Even some of the gems looked at him with such yearning eyes, wishing their genetics were up to his level, but not knowing the irony.

Jaejoong, the natural born, was going to beat all these GMs, manufactured for perfection. It was a thrill and he aimed for the top.

Everything was perfect until the semi-final round. He had tied with another boy, a GM. They tied in visual, Jaejoong was higher in vocal but the other was higher in dance--Jaejoong couldn't dance to save his life back then. Then the interviewers turned to the papers.

And Jaejoong would never forget the result.

"Kim Heechul, we'll see you in a moment. Kim Jaejoong, I'm sorry. Please re-audition next."

The scale tipper? Kim Heechul was a genetic modifiee.

And he would have never found out if it weren't for a judge's mistake of actually marking it on the score sheet. Jaejoong still keeps that paper. He keeps it for the three small red words and a two point deduction:

Not a GM   -2

He lost to Kim Heechul by one point that day and he's never befriended any genetic modifiee since



A/N: Alright. This might be a chapter or two longer than I thought. I haven't even gotten to Yunho's part yet LOL

And I just love Changmin and Kyuhyun (if you read enough of my stuff [or just Happily Ever After] you'll realize I love putting these two bffs alongside each other :3)

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Part I: Daydreams


"Will you be alright?"

"Of course, hyung," the younger laughed into the receiver. "Am I that useless?"

"No but…no, you're right Junsu. I trust you'll be fine," the older brother said, but the words unspoken rang loudly in both of their ears.

Kim Junsu gritted out his goodbyes and well wishes for his older twin brother. Kim Junho was going to Japan to work on his singing career and the older boy was rather resolute to leave. He promised to be back for the holidays but how many holidays were there really in a year?

This was the first time the twins would be separated for long periods of time and honestly, it was all Junsu's fault. They had both started out as trainees at SM Entertainment. Junho was a GM and Junsu was something a little different. They got in together, trained together and Junsu thought they'd debut together too.

But a few months ago, Junho decided to leave for Japan.

"It's not because of you," his older brother had said. "You're my other half. You complete me, but someday we'll have to stand on our own."

Junsu gripped his phone tightly. He looked about the empty training room. Before when his brother was here, he trained with Junho and a trainer. Not his trainer, Junsu didn't need one.

He was a little different from typical GMs. He was considered special. He was the only one.

So now, he trained alone.


Jung Yunho was pleasantly surprised at the capital city of Seoul.

It had been years since he's walked around a crowded city. Instead of feeling lonely, he felt rather relieved. In this large city, he could go anywhere and be anything. He could succeed in anything as long as he wished.

The confidence that bubbled beneath his conscious was rather built in than actually felt. Any normal youngster who travelled to a busy city would have felt lost and small, but Yunho's mind told him to stand tall because he was special.

It was a comforting thing to have confidence but it almost made Yunho feel wary. Overconfidence was an easy vice to fall to. Pride cometh before fall. He had to be careful since the fall was just as easy as the rise.

But it was difficult. It was hard to find the humility when people walked by and turned for another look. It was hard to deflate his heightened ego when people stared at him with those wide eyes. It was as though everyone knew he was different.

The sudden attention on the busy street slowed his pace. He hasn't been scrutinized like this for years and the familiarity of everyone's attention was comforting. It was more comforting that he was no longer just a display and people were watching just because he was a good looking guy.

Yunho reaches his destination an hour later than he expected. Looking up, he mouths the large words above the entrance.

S.M. Entertainment

Biting his lip slightly, Yunho touches his neck again and rubs comforting circles into the tense flesh. He inhales a nervous breath before pushing open the doors.

But he had nothing to fear. He begins training with Kim Junsu the next day.


The club was loud and relatively dark. The colored lights illuminated certain parts of the club in flashes. So the mood was controlled by the movement of dark silhouettes and the throbbing music. People came here for the anonymity that the darkness gave. Even with the nameless dance floor, there was a certain sense of class. An exclusiveness that couldn't be denied. 

After all, Jaejoong couldn't have gotten in without Yoochun's magnificent contact list. Not into this club at least. Not one catering to GMs--not that Jaejoong really wanted to. So it wasn't farfetched to say that every single person in the club was a GM.

From the flashes of light, Jaejoong could tell that each male and female was beautiful with a certain flare. Not natural, at least, not in these numbers. And if it weren't for the cloak of the darkness, Jaejoong was sure he would have run out immediately.

So why was he here? Yoochun had texted him the address during class with a short note instructing him to dress his best. It wasn't as though the two teenager hadn't gone clubbing before. They both had enough connections to get into any hot spot that Seoul had to offer--as long as they wanted to. But this particular address was in an area known as the high end gem district. Not somewhere Jaejoong particularly liked going to.

He caught Yoochun right after school, just before the younger teen sprinted out the gates.

"He'll be there," Yoochun said quickly. "The trainee from SM I told you about? He'll be there tonight and he's pretty much never accessible. Quiet guy, keeps to himself a lot. I think he's younger than us."

"And will I meet you there or--?"

"Can't talk, just be there," Yoochun calls out as he raced off school grounds and down the street. "If you don't see me, just go in! They'll know!"

So now, Jaejoong was at Incognito leaning against one of the walls without any idea what to do. His idiot of a best friend didn't bother telling him the time or where in the club to meet. So he stood rather close to the entrance and just watched.

There was a rather loud cheer from the middle of the dance floor which blasted through the music. Jaejoong blinked and turned toward the hurray but he couldn't see above everyone's heads. Assuming it was a one time spectacle, Jaejoong turned back to his musings only to be roused from them from another loud cheer. The dancers on the floor seemed to be chanting something that sounded suspiciously English, and as much as Jaejoong tried to squash his curiosity, it won out in the end.

He made it to the closest staircase, pushing by some clubgoers who were also heading up. The club was large, consisting of three floors in total. The first two floors were dance floors and the third was VIP rooms. The Dark Room on the first floor was the largest with a balcony that oversaw the dance floor.

Jaejoong had managed to squeeze onto the balcony railing and searched for the source of the commotion. It was quite hard to miss. A circle had formed around a dancing figure. From the muscled arms and wide back, Jaejoong could tell it was probably male. It was hard to say how tall or how old from the balcony, but there was no question that whoever it was danced fiercely and passionately.

For just an instance, the light swept across the dancing figure just as he faced Jaejoong. It was probably only two to three seconds but in that moment, Jaejoong's heart rate went from resting to speeding. He didn't even see the other's face too clearly, but whatever he did see he liked. He liked a little too much.

Entranced by the shadowy dancer, Jaejoong almost jumped out of his skin when he felt someone grab him back.

"Who's that?" someone whispered into his ear. Jerking away, Jaejoong found himself looking into the equally startled eyes of his best friend.

"You scared me!" Jaejoong hissed angrily. He was actually more frustrated that his friend had taken him from his perfect view than what ever he really should probably be.

"Well, it took me a while to find Mr. Elusive and to talk him into meeting us," Yoochun yelled over the music. He pulled Jaejoong to the stairs and instead of going down, they travelled upwards.

"Woah, where are we going?" Jaejoong asked. They passed the door to the second floor and continued towards the third. Yoochun shushed him and continued to pull him along. The third floor door opened to a man sharply dressed with a name tag and a nasty look in his eyes. While Jaejoong recoiled, Yoochun pushed forward.

"I was here earlier with the SM group," Yoochun smiled.

"Do you have your license?" the bouncer asked.

Jaejoong licked his lips nervously. Sure Yoochun might be able to hang with these GMs, but there was no faking a GM license. Not only was a fake license illegal, they were extremely difficult to forge. There was no way that Yoochun had--

"Of course," Yoochun answers confidently. He pulls out a card and hands it over. Jaejoong stares aghast at the produced card. Either Yoochun had a very good escape route in plan or polished up on that Taekwon Do. The stiffly suited man swiped the card through something that looked like a credit card scanner. The machine gave a two beeps and the man returned the card.

"How about your friend?" the man asks, point towards the bewildered Jaejoong. "License?"

"Oh him? He forgot it," Yoochun smiles. The man moves to block Jaejoong from walking forward, not that Jaejoong was trying. In fact, Jaejoong was fighting against his friend but Yoochun's grip was unnaturally strong. "Come on, people forget sometimes. Just look at him. Does he look like a natural born?"

Now, Jaejoong wasn't quite sure why but all throughout his life, people have always assumed he was a GM just by his looks. It could be considered as flattery or a very backhanded compliment. On one hand, he was good looking. On the other hand, he was unnatural looking. However, once again, his superficial charm seems to have convinced the bouncer.

"Room 333," the man said, moving out of the way.

Jaejoong was about to retort--as a natural born, the insult carried more weight in his mind--but Yoochun called out a thanks and pulled his friend along. Down the hall, to the right and left once more, Yoochun seemed to have this place memorized. 

Just as the speed picked up, Yoochun stops very suddenly in front of room 333's closed door and Jaejoong manages to stop before crashing into his friend. They both reach for the door handle at the same time with very different intents--one to open and the other to obstruct. The door cracks open but Jaejoong wins.

"Park Yoochun," Jaejoong whispered, mindful of door. "You're either going to explain to me everything--and I mean everything--right now or I'm walking out of this club."


Oh no, Yoochun moans internally. They were so close to getting there without any compromising questions. And if he doesn't do something fast, Yoochun was going to get cornered in answering to some rather sensitive issues that could potentially, no, surely end their friendship!

"You know what, hyung?" Yoochun bites out angrily. He innerly rejoices when he sees Jaejoong filch. "I worked my butt off so you could talk to this kid and you know what? If you don't want to see if it's possible to get into SM Entertainment as a natural born, you are at liberty to leave right this moment. Actually, I'll leave."

Yoochun pulls the door shut and stubbornly turns to leave. Just for dramatic effect, he says over his shoulder, "I did this for you hyung."

Yes, he was being a manipulative bastard, but it really was for Jaejoong. His best friend wanted this. Maybe not exactly this path, but Jaejoong wanted to perform on a national, even global stage. And in South Korea, SM Entertainment had both the money and power to make it happen.

That spark of hope that might be sitting in room 333, sipping on a drink and unaware of the turmoil going outside the door, was very possibly Jaejoong's best chance. Yoochun knows it and Jaejoong knows it even better. With each step, Yoochun counts down the seconds before--

"Wait, Yoochun!"


"What?" Yoochun grumbles, careful not to ruin the act with his bubbling glee.

"Alright, since we're already here," Jaejoong says carefully. He seems to be weighing out his words carefully, trying not to further anger his friend. Not that Jaejoong would know but Yoochun was no where close to anger. "Let's go confirm the rumor and see if this situation really does exist as you said."

Yoochun holds his poker face and Jaejoong continues nervously, "I know that you've done a lot for me and this definitely takes the cake. But do realize that I'm worried for you. Having a fake GM license is illegal and even minors can do jail time for it."

Yoochun couldn't hold back the smile anymore. He walks back to his friend and embraces him in a hug.

"Jaejoong-hyung, I know," he says, genuinely touched. "Thank you."

"So be careful alright?" Jaejoong murmurs back.

Yoochun can only nod into the other's shoulder before disentangling from their hug. They walked toward room 333, less confused and more focused. Jaejoong smiles at him and Yoochun can only twitch his lips upwards in the ghost of one.

He hated lying to his friend, but the truth could end their friendship. Yoochun played with the plastic card in his pocket and gripped it harshly. It hurt to know that Jaejoong would now worry about something that wasn't even an issue.

His GM license was real.



A/N: Crankin' them out. This one won't be too long. Even though it might seem, but it's not going to be

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Prologue: The Beginning of a Dream


"And here they are! The beautiful girls of BCD and their new release Love 101."

Eight tall, slim young women fluttered to stage with their glittering costumes and shining accessories. Each girl was beautiful, almost unnaturally so, and their movements carried the grace of a ballerina. It was impossible to find a physical defect on any of the eight. Their faces were perfectly in balance with their body shapes and their bodies were the wet dream of any man, twenty five to seventy five.

"All I want….is your love. Are you ready?"

They smiled at the camera and all over the world, men and women alike fell for the twinkle in their eyes. The fans cheered as the music started and the girls began their flawless performance.

"For Love 101!"

There was no other word for their stage. It was flawless. It was perfect. It was completely in sync even with all eight. The vocal quality of the performance was stunning. Everything was sung live and everything sounded just like or even better than the studio version. Reaching each and every note with ease while dancing to their medium tempo song, they repeated each performance without errors.

BCD was nothing less perfect and they were born that way. Simply but probably more accurately, they were made that way.


"BCD's Hyojung is hot beyond belief," Park Yoochun cooed, turning the pages of newly issued magazine. "Is she even human?"

"Technically, she's not," Kim Jaejoong responded, doodling on the side of his notebook. "None of them are."

"That was a rhetorical question," Yoochun grumbled, going back to the magazine. "Oh Hyojung!"

"Dork," Jaejoong mumbled. He didn't look up from his doodles and honestly, he didn't want to. No matter where he looked, there would be some BCD goods somewhere. Walking down the street, the faces of eight hauntingly beautiful idols would stare him down from a poster or a LED screen or even a bus!

School was just a conglomerate of fanclubs for each of the eight individual idols. Basically full of Hyojung worshippers, BCD crazies and then there's him, the only teenage boy in the whole school--and maybe world--who didn't care for these eight beautiful females. Damn, no wonder they called him gay, now that he thinks about it. 

Jaejoong frowns slightly but his doodle creation was done. While not particularly artsy, he still manages to smile at the crudely drawn stick figures. It wasn't the artwork itself that made him smile like an idiot, but what it represented.

A little figure stood on a non-straight stage with a microphone. The crooked spotlight was on it and it was smiling because all the other figure people loved it. The little figure would sing and dance and it wouldn't be perfect but that was okay. All the other little figure people would see the effort, the heart and the human his little figure was.

Just as he can see Jaejoong looks up and the eight lovely nonhuman faces of BCD stared back at him from Yoochun's magazine cover.

He scribbles out his doodle. Who was he kidding? Him? An idol? Not in this day and age.


In this day and age, technology had surpassed whatever predictions humans two hundred years ago had made. While there were no space vehicles capable of warp drive, scientists have gone above and beyond in biological and genetic sciences.

Now, connecting one's conscious to a virtual reality was commonplace. People went shopping in virtual malls inside their own rooms, just like what used to be called the internet shopping. Birthing a child was as easy as baking a cake, genetic information and a test tube. A couple could even purchase an at home kit at their closest biotech pharmacy and create their child on their own time.

While making a child was easy, selecting genetic information was still a newer field. It meant taking apart the chromosomes and rearranging them so they would express the traits desired. It wasn't completely impossible--with where technology has gone, it felt like anything imaginable was doable--but it was risky and costly. 

There were prototypes, failed ones and successful ones, and these people were protected. They were hidden from the public in fear of discrimination--they were different, unnatural and too easy to blame. In Korea, it wasn't until eight female idols of BCD came out that other genetic modifiees found it safe at last.

By the time Kim Jaejoong got into high school, all the genetic modifiees--also called GMs or gems, in street slang--were out in the open and revered.


"Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

Jung Yunho sighed. Would he have insisted to this extent if he weren't sure? But he understood why they were hesitant. He touched his necked uncertainly, feeling the smooth muscles underneath the tips of his fingers. Yunho's had some difficulties over the years which made them very nervous.

"Yes, I'm quite sure," he answered with a smile.

They seemed unwilling but didn't attempt to dissuade him. Yunho knows they mean the best. He was almost their son, their youngest. And the youngest one is always the hardest to let go.

So when they ran their last procedural tests, Yunho was as compliant as possible.


Another audition. Another failure.

Jaejoong closed his eyes and resisted the urge to scream. Once again, his application had been rejected. During his singing audition, the judges looked upon him favorably. During his interview, they smiled all until they saw two words on his paperwork.

Natural Born.

He wasn't a GM. Apparently, the interviewers had expected him to be one. Anyone else would have been flattered to have been thought to be gem. Anyone but Kim Jaejoong.

He didn't want to be associated with those half manufactured humans! Sure, he couldn't replicate a perfect performance every single time. Sure, he couldn't look perfect every single moment of the day--


Jaejoong flinched as a finger poked him in the cheek.

"Stop thinking about it," his best friend said happily. Yoochun tossed a bottle of juice to his musing friend. "It was a small agency anyways."

"A small agency I can't get into," Jaejoong retorted bitterly. It had only been an hour since the failure audition and the wounds were still fresh in Jaejoong's mind. He unscrewed the cap viciously and gulped down the juice, finishing half the bottle.

"Hey, calm down alright?" Yoochun cooed in English.


"Alright, alright," Yoochun laughed, bonking Jaejoong's head. "But seriously, would you have been okay in a small agency that couldn't helped you anywhere?"

Jaejoong was silent, so silent that Yoochun almost didn't catch the mumbled, "No."

"Thought so," Yoochun grins. "How about we aim higher this time, hyung?"


"Jaejoong-hyung, how many auditions have you been to?" Yoochun asked, seemingly out of the blue.

It took Jaejoong a moment but he did respond, "Thirty-three?"

"How did you even find thirty-three talent agencies?" Yoochun asked, scrunching his nose. Jaejoong opened his mouth of answer but Yoochun interrupted quickly. "That's not my point though, but think about it. What kind of agencies were they? Think size and reputation."

"They were relatively small and unknown?"

"Exactly," Yoochun exclaimed. "Hyung, is that really what you want? To be apart of a small and unknown agency and become a small and unknown idol?"

"So I should audition at SM Entertainment and become the male version of BCD's Hyojung?" Jaejoong scoffs. "Don't get drunk in the middle of the day, friend."

"Why not?"

Jaejoong stared at his best friend for a long moment. Three thousand thoughts ran through his head but his mouth just gapped soundlessly. Did Yoochun understand what he just proposed? SM Entertainment was probably the most notorious talent agency which screened auditions using genetic modification as a requirement. Well, that was illegal, but it didn't mean they had a preference for GMs.

BCD was SM Entertainment standard. So it was really no wonder that SM was the largest and most famous talent agency in South Korea.

"I know what you're thinking," Yoochun said gently. His voice lowered from his originally cheery high. They've been friend's long enough for Jaejoong to know Yoochun was dead serious. "But answer this, do you want to stand on stage?"

"Of course I do," Jaejoong whispers. He wanted it more than anything else. He knew he lived for the stage. The moment he stood on a tiny stage for a elementary school performance, Jaejoong knew he belonged there. His heartbeat faster for the stage than for any girl he's ever met.

"Will you give it up?"



Yoochun smiled at the answer. There was no hesitation or any moment of pause. He wasn't even sure if Jaejoong had completely processed the question before answering. He probably only heard 'stage' and 'give up', not that Yoochun was surprised.

"Good," Yoochun said, snapping Jaejoong out of his daze. "Would you like me to tell you a secret then?"

"Are you going to get me into SM Entertainment?"

"Of course," Yoochun said with a sly smile. He rolled the juice bottle between his hands leisurely. "Would you like to hear an interesting rumor?"

"Alright," Jaejoong bit out rather reluctantly. Yoochun could see the suspicion in those eyes--the eyes of someone who's identified a conman--and the older boy would have probably walked away if it weren't for Yoochun's best friend status.

"You know I'm friends with a lot of gem trainees," Yoochun says, waving his friend closer. To an outsider, they might look like two gossiping schoolgirls, but Yoochun was all about the comedic factor. "I heard a rumor about an SM trainee."

"Uh-huh," Jaejoong nodded.

"And they say that he's one of the best trainee's the company has had in years," Yoochun whispered conspiratorially. He paused for dramatic effect. "He's a natural born."

The was a long stretch of silence. Shoes clicked on the concrete sidewalks, cars honked on the asphalt road, bicycles ringed on their merry way, and two boys blinked at each other on the bus stop's bench. It was a calm before the storm and Yoochun was eager to welcome the raging winds. 

"You're telling me that this trainee has randomly, naturally selected DNA and managed to make it on the top trainee list of SM Entertainment, notorious for picking only genetically modifiees," Jaejoong rambled. "Do you understand what you're insinuating? Someone who has somehow gotten the perfect randomized selection of DNA."

"And how can you prove that?" Yoochun interrupted before Jaejoong could continue going.

"Prove that? Tests? Performance proves everything, otherwise--"

"Oh, hyung," Yoochun laughs. "You pretend to be such a bad boy, but you're such a fair player."


"What if this trainee doesn't have the preferred genetics? What if this trainee pretends to be a GM?" Yoochun questioned. He leaned forward with each question and his smile only got sneakier. "What if this trainee faked his genetically modifiee registration license?"

Jaejoong opened his mouth then closed it. He licked his lips and opened his mouth again. It took a moment before his lips thinned to a line again.

Yoochun merely let’s the information sink in. He knows Jaejoong's question and honestly, that had been his question when he first heard of it. In fact, when he met said trainee, Yoochun had been rather surprised. This trainee didn't seem like the type to try anything like that.

Isn't faking a GM license illegal?


A/N: I am alive. Finally. This was something that popped up while I was listening to Humanoids and Android. Urg, feels like I regressed several grades in writing but I swear I'll work it up back to speed

Things have gone crazy in my life but as I once said, I probably write better under stress anyways.


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Current Music: Humanoids - DBSK

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Life is all over the place right now.

Like ridiculously all over the place. I'm having so much trouble finishing my fic for the Jaeho exchange and it's due tomorrow T____T

Oh life. Why did you decided to screw me over right after my birthday?


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When they announced the lawsuit, Changmin’s first thought had been: what will happen to Yunho-hyung?

He had not been worried about Jaejoong. Jaejoong and his fickle mind and touchy hands and loose lips. He was sure Jaejoong would move on.

He was equally sure Yunho would not.

So when he wakes up to screaming at night, Changmin closes his eyes and prays.

please let us get through this, please let them work this out, please

But when Jaejoong fumbles into the bedroom, eyes red and wild and broken, Changmin falls easily back to sleep.

No, Jaejoong will never move on.


Yoochun wanted to be the one to love Jaejoong.

It wasn’t fair that he was the closest, knew the most, loved the deepest and yet it was always Yunho, Yunho, Yunho.

It was a wicked thought but he thought the split might make Jaejoong his. At first, that was right and Yoochun loved him like a treasure.

But that wasn’t what Jaejoong wanted. Jaejoong didn’t just want love. He wanted flames, he wanted flare, he wanted fire meets water combustions and screaming in the rain.

He wasn’t what Jaejoong wanted.

In the end, it was always about Yunho, Yunho, Yunho.


Junsu understood Jaejoong's sudden need to be close to him.

While it had always been Yoochun before, Junsu realized that Yoochun couldn't give Jaejoong what he desperately needed. Jaejoong needed Yunho and Yoochun was not.

Yoochun was a different charisma, soft and refreshing. Junsu and Yunho had similarities that ran deep. (They’ve known each other the longest too.)

Cute and dorky but fierce and powerful. While Yoochun would only gently and carefully love, Junsu could be rough and demanding. He could cuddle and cherish. He could also possess and smolder.

Junsu was as close as Jaejoong can get right now.


It hurt more than he thought. Yunho always knew Jaejoong and Yoochun shared something special but Junsu too?

While he was jealous of the soulmates, Junsu was the threat. They were too alike. They could switch and people would love Junsu for his allure and Yunho for his innocence.

And he knows they share a similar gaze. (After all, they worked on it together.)

He wonders whether Junsu watches Jaejoong a similar way he does. He wonders whether Junsu demands and caresses Jaejoong a similar way he does.

People say Yunho and Changmin are alike. But they don’t know Junsu.


Jaejoong felt guilty every night he leaves Junsu’s apartment.

Junsu made him feel Yunho-loved. Those eyes that claimed everything, those hands that marked, those lips that commanded him to get on your back and spread yourself out—nu-uh, don’t touch, beg.

Jaejoong knows that Junsu wants to be Yoochun-loved. Jaejoong knows he’s probably a bigger cockblock than Changmin ever was. (The maknae never interfered when Jaejoong needed Yunho.) He knows Junsu needed Yoochun.

Even so, it doesn’t stop him from seeking Junsu and Junsu never turns him away.

But, tonight, Junsu wasn’t enough. He wanted Yunho.

I love you.




A/N: Sorry, I will to get to the requests. This was stress-induced (as I said before, I write when I'm stressed but uh, my brain doesn't always do what I want.). I'm supposed to help college freshmen get situated and uh, they're a little too excited for me. I don't remember being that excited to get into college (or maybe I was but looking back I felt like I was a lot more mature...<--haha, oh you funny Liz)

I wrote this a while ago (my ponderings toward Jaesu <--I can write an essay about how I feel towards this pairing pre-lawsuit and post-lawsuit) and I originally wasn't going to post this because...uh...I felt bad for not getting to the requests first. But right now, my brain will honestly not go in the direction I want it to.

I'm sorry but I was hoping that getting rid of excess plot bunnies would make me more focused. (Scumbag Brain: Haha, fat chance.)

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The dark church had only one light source from the tall rectangular window above their patron saint. The strip of light created a pathway toward the chancel platform, yet even with sun's natural light in his eyes, the figure dressed in white standing at the top of the platform shone brighter than any light could.  

He knows that this ceremony was nothing but a responsibility he must fulfill as the crowned prince. He knows that his heart should not be aflutter with each step. He knows that both of them are bound by nothing but duty. Yet he couldn't stop the blush that crept up his cheeks or the breathing that got gradually more and more irregular. 

Jung Yunho, the heir to the throne, the next physical embodiment of the country, followed the path of light toward God's realm. He was dressed in his most lavish ceremonial uniform with all his military decorations clinking against each other in this echoing chamber. His crown was heavy on his head and the jewels reflected scatterings of light against the bare stone walls. 

The doors shut heavily behind him and they were completely alone. Stopping at the foot of the chancel platform, Yunho takes off his crown and sheds his military jacket, revealing the plain white shirt underneath. He is the future king in the eyes of the people of his country, but in the eyes of God, he is merely another man. To wear his crown of authority and boast of the men he's killed while in uniform was equal to treason in their land. Even his father, the king of the most powerful land had to humble himself in the grace of God. 

He takes the first step and Yunho wobbles. As a child, he used to get nervous as God's eyes saw all--the trouble he caused, the pastries he stole from the kitchen, the lessons he's missed, but now Yunho trembled under the eyes of another, a dazzling man dressed in white robes. 

Yunho cannot look away as those dark eyes found his. His eyes are not looking at their patron saint as he kneels and whispers the prayers he's practiced since he was a child. In his heart, Yunho hopes God can find the mercy to forgive him for his treason.

"Yunho-yah," the other whispers as the prince finishes. "Are you ready?"

Yunho stands and walks toward the blinding white figure with the darkest hair and most mesmerizing eyes. They were only inches apart and the other takes half a step forward, narrowing the distance even more. 

"Are you?" Yunho whispers back. He's trying to control his erratic breath and the speeding beats of his heart, but it's no use. 

The other laughs. The sound of his voice is rich and warm unlike the cold stone church. And Yunho thinks that this is the only reason he can stand this dark place. 

"For you? I'll always be ready."

Yunho tries not to think what else that declaration could mean but with Kim Jaejoong, it could have meant anything. The Head Priest was anything but simple and his words reflected it. 

"Don't think to hard Yunho-yah," Jaejoong whispers. Their bodies barely touched but Yunho could feel the heat of Jaejoong's skin against his own. "You are the country and I am it's soul. Let the body and spirit come together naturally." 

"Naturally?" Yunho chuckles, acting much more confidently than he felt. His arms slide down Jaejoong's side to that slim waist and pulled until they were flush against each other. The bare skin that touched seared Yunho's and he couldn't help but pull the other man closer, branding Jaejoong's touch deep in his self. 

"Yes," Jaejoong smiles back, his hands gently resting against Yunho's shoulder. "Just do whatever--"

Jaejoong never gets to finish that sentence as Yunho presses a hungry kiss on the other's lips. The priest moans into the desperation of Yunho's tongue and bites down. Yunho almost reels back in surprise. It was easy to forget that Jaejoong wasn't as passive as he presented himself. But Jaejoong iron grip on his shoulders blocked the escape and he suckles on the bloody cut gently like a silent apology. 

They part briefly for air and Jaejoong whispers, "And to the land, I bind myself."

Jaejoong dives for another kiss and he fights tooth and nail against Yunho for control. Yunho wrenches their lips apart just as Jaejoong was gaining the advantage.

"And to the soul, I bind myself," Yunho chuckles against Jaejoong's scowling lips. 

Yunho delivered a series of little kisses on Jaejoong's lips just teasing the other man, leaning back then he tried to deepen it. 

"For the King," Jaejoong growls. His hands captured the back of Yunho's neck and forces the prince into a soul devouring kiss. It was less of a kiss than just Jaejoong trying to suck Yunho's life out of him. With a smirk of satisfaction, Jaejoong breaks it. "To protect the people."

"And for the Soul," Yunho breaths. His retaliation is gentle but passionate. Jaejoong melts into it and their tongues rubbed against each other in truce. Yunho doesn't even bother to break the kiss, choosing to just whisper it into Jaejoong's mouth. "To protect the King and God."

"In front of God, I take Jung Yunho as my King," Jaejoong declares in a hushed whisper. His hands leave Yunho's neck and Yunho's leave Jaejoong's waist. "As my country, as my body."

"In front of God, I take Kim Jaejoong as my Priest," Yunho answers. They intertwined their fingers together. Both of them looked away from each other in embarrassment. This act seemed to be more intimate than all the kisses they've exchanged and it takes Yunho an extraordinary amount of self control to continue talking and not just ravish the other man right there and then. "As my people, as my soul."

They step apart and Jaejoong falls to his knees in quiet prayer. Yunho walks down the steps, gathers his belongings and leaves. 

He is shaking when his escorts open the large doors. Yunho takes on look back and watches Jaejoong shed the white gown, wearing only simple pants underneath. He watches for a moment longer as those black tattooed wings rolled with life atop of Jaejoong's muscled back. 

The doors are closed but Yunho's heart hasn't calmed and he fears that it will never.


"Is this normal?" Yunho asks and his response is a chuckle. 

"Well, Your Highness," a foreign traveling priest smiles smugly. "Falling in love is quite normal."

"Yah! Park Yoochun!" one of Yunho's escorts scowls. "Do not presume things about His Highness."

"Junsu-ah," Yoochun coos. "You're the prince's personal guard and Jaejoong-hyung's cousin. What do you think?"

"I-I don't dare to assume," Junsu sputters. 

"No, please do," Yunho insists, sitting more comfortably in his chair. He's been with Junsu for many years and the younger man was too uptight sometimes. It was nice to see that this traveling priest, Park Yoochun, could rattle the guard. "I also would like to know what you think."

"Your Highness!" Junsu squeaks uncharacteristic to his ruthless reputation. "How can I dare make presumptions about our country's Crowned Prince and Head Priest!"

"Well, Your Highness is giving you permission to," Yunho says. He gives Junsu an expectant look and takes secret joy in the guard's mental dilemma. "How about this? I command you to tell me."

"His Highness is waiting," Yoochun teases, sipping his warmed water leisurely.  

"It is not unnatural for the body to be attracted to the soul," Junsu says, carefully weighing all his words. "If the body and soul did not love each other, there would be discord within the country."

Yunho nods. Junsu gave a relatively safe answer. It was true. Their country was strange compared to many others. Their people believed in the separation of the country's body and soul. The body, or land, personified itself with the next ruler of the country while the head of the church was the soul, or spirit of the people. If the King and the Head Priest weren't in harmony, the people believed that the country would fall to hardships. So Yunho pretty much grew up with Jaejoong. And while Yunho was quite sure they started out as friends, he no longer thinks the meaning of Jaejoong's heavy stares or even his own loaded words are quite as platonic as they used to be. 

There was a knock on the door. 

"Enter," Yoochun answers as they were in Yoochun's resting room. 

A younger priest enters, his robes a deep red of a high ranking. Yunho raises an eyebrow in curiosity. Red robes were a sign of experience and high intelligence. He almost never sees younger men wearing those colors. 

"Ah, you were on your military expedition when Changmin entered our church," Yoochun realizes. He's quick to motion the younger man over. "This is Shim Changmin. One of the greatest intellectual minds of our institution."

"Its a pleasure to meet-oh my God, I mean, Your Highness," Changmin stutters. He hadn't realized who Yunho was without the man's crown or grand clothing. 

Yunho laughs, not a bit offended at the younger man's informal language, "It's fine. I'm sure no one really expected me to walk around in plain clothes anyways."

"So what were you here for?" Yoochun asks. 

"Jaejoo-er-the Head Priest," Changmin says looking over at the heir to the throne cautiously. "He's completed the ceremony and he wishes to see the Pr-"

"Yunho-yah!" came the loud echoing call and Changmin looks like he wants to kill someone. 

"Yah! Hyung!" Changmin yells, running to the door. "You're indecent right now! Put on clothes!"

Yunho stifles a laugh as he sees Jaejoong's dark head peek through the door only to be shoved back out by the younger priest. Changmin closes the door quickly behind him but the force merely made the door bounce back open.

"It's okay," Jaejoong argues. "It's just Yunho and we just finished our vows so it's not like he won't be seeing this--"

"Too much information!" Changmin all but screeches. 

Yunho stands and nods his head in goodbye to the foreign priest. Yoochun bows back, low and respectful. He heads out the door toward the commotion and from the corner of his eye, he could see Junsu gathering his belongings and giving pointed looks at Yoochun. 

Yunho walks out just in time to see Changmin slap Jaejoong's arm. The younger man freezes at the sight of the prince and seems to want to explain but words failing him. 

"It actually might be nice for someone to beat some sense into Jaejoong once in a while," Yunho approves and Jaejoong give him a scandalized look. He gives Jaejoong a look over and comments, "At least you're wearing pants."

"White's too easy to get dirty," Jaejoong shrugs.

"So we're going somewhere?" Yunho asks and Jaejoong only smiles in response before sprinting down the hall way. Changmin makes a noise between a groan of frustration and a sigh of surrender. Yunho shakes his head but follows. His eyes never leave the expanse of Jaejoong's back and the wings that look like they'll come alive and take the priest into the skies. 

They make it out of the Church's premises and neither slow down as their feet crunch on the wild dirt floors of the surrounding forest. Yunho almost feels like a child again, stripped of responsibility, duties and the blood on his hands. Jaejoong's laughter urges him on deeper and deeper into the forest as it had for the past twenty or so years. 

He reaches the vast river but Jaejoong had disappeared somewhere between the sharp turn and the river bank. Yunho takes a moment to just watch the water lap onto the dirt. It had been many months since he was just able to stand somewhere and enjoy nature grandiose gifts. It had been many months since his mind had been at peace. The battlefield was hell on earth and Yunho had no words to describe how grateful he was for the armistice. 

Just as he breathed in deeply the moist air of the riverbank, Yunho was tackled from behind and they rolled quite perilously close to the edge of the water. The water tickled Yunho's fingertips. Jaejoong is laughing atop of him and any annoyance Yunho was bound to feel dissolved into joy. 

"Welcome home Yunho-yah," Jaejoong smiles. His expression lighter and younger than that in the Church. "My lovely Yunho-yah."

"Glad to be back," Yunho answers and memories of their youth flashed before his eyes. "Very glad to be back."

"How does our future king feel?" Jaejoong asks. "To have finally sealed your position with our vows?"

"Stressed to be honest," Yunho laughs. He makes a pouty face and Jaejoong laughs. As the prince, Yunho could be a little foolish and a little more true to himself, but now, he must abandon his self and become the King, strong, reliable and charismatic. "I can't believe that in three more days I'll be the ruler of this country."

"Your father trusts you," Jaejoong assures. "That's the only reason why he's stepping down now. He believes in you."

"But what if I--"

"No what ifs," Jaejoong hushes. "As you're other half, I will be there if you are ever unsure."

"Are you speaking as the Soul of this country or as Kim Jaejoong?" Yunho asks, teasingly. "The other half of this country or my soulmate?"

"Do you want the Head Priest or Kim Jaejoong?" Jaejoong whispers against Yunho's lips. 

Leaning up, Yunho answers with a kiss. They move slowly against each other, Jaejoong's weight still pining Yunho down. Yunho's arms are around Jaejoong's neck and Jaejoong's cup the prince's cheeks lovingly. The water laps against Yunho's side and Jaejoong's leg, but they ignore the cold water in favor for each other's warmth.

Jaejoong gasps at the cold shock as Yunho flips them over into the river's chilled water. Jaejoong laughs as an automatic response and Yunho takes advantage of the other's surprise to nip at the exposed neckline. It takes a moment for Jaejoong to stop squirming and get control of himself again, but when he does, Yunho finds himself breathing in water. 

Yunho coughs, wrenching himself out of the cold water; the water only being knee-deep. He hasn't even gotten the water out of his eyes when he's pushed against the river bank with only his feet submerged in the water. Once again, he's pinned under Jaejoong's weight. Both of them were wet, Yunho's shirt completely transparent at this point and Jaejoong's pants sticking him like a second skin. 

Jaejoong's eyes were filled with something Yunho used to fear but now embraces. 

"Yunho-yah," Jaejoong whispers into Yunho's wet hair. "Are you ready?"

Yunho's hand slide up Jaejoong's thighs and he chuckles, "Are you?"

Both of them seem to realize the déjà vu and this sent them into an embarrassed laughing fit. It takes several moments to steady themselves, but when they do, their skin is flush with something more than just embarrassment.

"For you? I'll always be ready," Jaejoong growls into Yunho's ear. The connotations as clear as day. "Don't think too hard Yunho-yah. Let us come together naturally."

"Naturally?" Yunho asks, continuing their little play. His hands miss the growing bulge of Jaejoong's pants just barely before traveling up to his naked sides. Jaejoong scowls down at the prince but doesn't otherwise voice his disapproval. 

"Yes, just do whatever--" Jaejoong says, completely expecting and welcoming the sudden aggression. Yunho's kiss is just as branding as the one in the church. Jaejoong finds himself at quite a disadvantage as Yunho finds many sensitive spots on his naked torso, so he makes quick business out of getting Yunho out of his shirt. 

"And to my-," Jaejoong gasps as Yunho's lips move down and bit into a particular tender spot on collar. "-to my other, I bind myself."

Yunho suckles on the spot gently and whispers, "And to my other, I bind myself."

Yunho slowly raises until Jaejoong is pretty much sitting on his lap, still not letting go of the wide expanse of skin stretched out before him. It's been months and he would mark every spot on Jaejoong so the Church, the country, the world could see who the Head Priest belonged to. 

Jaejoong initiates another kiss and Yunho's hands travel lower and lower down Jaejoong's back. They play with the waist of his pants teasingly and one naughty hand even gropes a cheek through the fabric. Jaejoong is quick to unfasten the front and let the waistband fall, giving Yunho whatever access he desired. As usual, Jaejoong doesn't have any underwear. 

Without proper lubricant, Yunho is hesitant, sliding his wet fingers down the crack not quite to where the treasure would be, but close enough to make Jaejoong shudder against him. But he hesitates for too long and Jaejoong bites his shoulder. Hard. Yunho give something short of a yelp but Jaejoong doesn't let go, his teeth sinking into Yunho's skin until blood mixed with the water dripping down his shoulder. 

"You spoiled-" Yunho begin but he's cut off by the stinging pain of Jaejoong's teeth cutting skin. He heard Jaejoong's guttural warning and sighs. Even with the pain from his shoulders shooting down his arm, Yunho is quick to work two fingers into his lover's-are they lovers?-ass. Jaejoong's hands are not idle as they fiddle with the clasps of Yunho's pants, freeing his dripping cock into the cool air. Yunho sucks in a sharp breath at the sudden contrast of environments and his poor sensitive cock is not left alone as Jaejoong's hand clenches the organ in a hold that bordered painful.  

"For Yunho," Jaejoong smiles against the bleeding bite mark. "To be his support."

Jaejoong gives him a bloody kiss and caressed his cock oh-so gently, unlike his previous vicious ministrations. Yunho takes the chance to work a third finger in, his other hand spreading those tight cheeks apart. Jaejoong purrs in satisfaction, rubbing the blood on Yunho's shoulders onto his neck.

"And for Jaejoong," Yunho mutters into the other's chest, flicking an erect nipple with his tongue. His fingers are thorough in the preparation but not entirely functioning for pleasure. They brush against the other prostate just barely, but not enough for any tangible satisfaction. "To be his love and support."

"In front of God, I take-" Jaejoong is cut off as Yunho presses them closer together and the priest's weeping manhood scrapes against Yunho's finely toned stomach. "I take Jung Yunho-ah, wait, I--"

But Yunho doesn't wait. He flips them over and Jaejoong grits his teeth at the little rocks digging into his back. Jaejoong wasn't even sure when Yunho had taken out his fingers, but he definitely feels the press of Yunho's cock against his entrance. 

"And in front of God, I take Kim Jaejoong," Yunho whispers into Jaejoong's ear before fully sheathing himself in one fluid stroke. Jaejoong screams and the rest is history.


Oh yes, just like the ritual, Jaejoong does get on his knees for worship but that's a story for another day. One that Changmin walks in on unexpectedly. Ah yes, a story for another day indeed.


A/N: Insert bad excuse: because I'm practicing smut? Anyways, just some plotless smut. There used to be a plot behind this, but uh...I don't want to work on too many things at the same time. I'm getting slowly beyond my embarrassment towards sex scenes but expect bad smut until I get there somehow....in a bajillion years.

OH BTW, I don't know how many people who will read this were also following my Dr. Jin AU but that will be rewritten into a chaptered story with a concentration on plot. Now that the drama is finished, I'm not too happy with several things that occurred. Many things will change .____. So yeah, just putting that out there.

So I'm currently working on an extended version of Bird People, finishing Anastasia, the Dr. Jin AU, the Pick Me Up series, and a couple of one-shots ...maybe I should shorten that list. Erg...any requests for what I should update next? 

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